'Tis the Season...

Hello, I normally send an annual newsletter to friends with an original lit creation aperitif. Here's a couple from the past fave file.  See you in 2012!

AFTERGLOW

'Twas the day after Christmas

and all through the shack

not one thing was stirring,

except one old cheese snack.

Tupperware was stacked and sealed with a burp

to preserve a LARGE turkey that'd chirped

its last chirp.

The children were asleep and snug in their beds

surrounded by gift debris up to their heads.

I in my boxers and Ma in her sweats

were dazed in the living room, tallying debts.

Then what to my wondering eyes should appear

but an unlabeled gift and an imported beer!

We flipped for the ale, though it was quite warm

and guessed at the treasure just by its form.

A Blackberry!  An X-box!  Buns of Steel!    eew.

Obviously, a wife with too little to do.

Our brains were numb, 'alone time' grew short

so we shared the unveiling--like a good sport.

Underneath the satin, the foil and the glitter

was a gift so unique it made us both titter.

It didn't have bells or keypads or a whistle,

it couldn't fetch or fly like the down of a thistle.

In the box was a card, silver ink on dark blue,

that said in four words something so true.

Our family had shared so much, you recall,

the card said,

"THANKS FOR DOING BUSINESS.

Signed, The Mall."

The Spirit is Willing...

        (We open on a hallowed cubicle.)

WRITER
Bless me, Father-figure, for I have sinned.

EDITOR
All are welcome here, my symbolic offspring.

WRITER
It has been 31 days since my last confession.

EDITOR
What troubles you?

WRITER
Lust!

EDITOR
Oh.

WRITER
And the fact I don’t act on it!

EDITOR
You don’t…?

WRITER
Father-figure, I desire to write, lust for the physical act but I can NOT consummate!

EDITOR
Dear me.  My symbolic offspring, John Trimble Book One, Verse One says: “Pick a subject that means something to you, emotionally as well as intellectually.”*

WRITER
I’m familiar with that, Father-figure.  The problem is I have three script ideas begging for me.

EDITOR
Playing the field, you dog…

WRITER
Not that way.

EDITOR
Sorry.  You have a fear of commitment then?

WRITER
Well…

EDITOR
My symbolic offspring, Epictetus believed, ‘If you would be a reader, read; if a writer, write.’

WRITER
A lil simplistic for my taste.

EDITOR
What’s that?

WRITER
Um, I have a full-time job, commitments at home, and I can never find the time to write.

EDITOR
You’re in Denial.

WRITER
I am not!

EDITOR
Every minute of every day is not spoken for.  If you deny all of them because this one minute is taken, you do yourself and your script a disservice.

WRITER
But even five minutes a day…

EDITOR
Denial!

WRITER
Fifteen is all—

EDITOR
DEEE-NIGH-ALL!

WRITER
All right, thirty minutes right after dinner and dishes!

EDITOR
Deeee…

WRITER
Five days a week!

EDITOR
…lightful!  (A long pause) Something else, my symbolic offspring?

WRITER
I always do the first line well, but I have trouble doing the others.

EDITOR
Moliere?

WRITER
Yes, bless you.

EDITOR
No prob.

WRITER
I start a premise and think, ‘Sara Ruhl uses whimsy, so can I!’ Or I think, ‘Arthur Miller is direct and real, so I can’t do that.’

EDITOR
Fear.

WRITER
Well…

EDITOR
Doubt?

WRITER
No, I believe you.

EDITOR
My symbolic offspring, if you feel strongly about your subject and you have faith in your abilities, then put the damn draft on paper!  Ninety percent of writing is rewriting.  First tries are not first publications, they’re tries.

WRITER
Father-figure?

EDITOR
Yes?

WRITER
One last question.  One of my script ideas was inspired by Stanislavski—“The purpose of theater is to bring to light the life of the human soul.”

EDITOR
A noble goal.

WRITER
Shit, yeah.

EDITOR
Do you doubt because the goal is so vaunted?

WRITER
No, I don’t know which soul he’s referring to—mine, my characters, or the audience.

EDITOR
You do know.  It is all three, in that order.  (He hums & then breaks into song) This little light of mine…

WRITER (joins him)
I’m gonna let it shine.

EDITOR
I’m not gonna make it shine…

WRITER & EDITOR
I’m gonna let it shine!  Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!...

                (They continue as they leave the confessional and nave of Strunk & White Chapel)

*This statement is actually from the Trimble book “Writing with Style.”

EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

PART THREE in a three-part series...Perspectives of the Arts.

Imagine if you will, four people locked in a room circa anytime, location anywhere.  They are watching the stage drama "Death of a Salesman."  They can hear and see the production but cannot be heard.

Our characters in this reverse scenario:
Elsie Denominator, a teen queen who loves her entertainments predictable and blatant--ala America's "Funniest" Videos. 
Chick Literati, a dowager who loves love stories and hot guys; who seeks safe emotional stories; who is a devotee of "Ellen", NCIS, and the Hallmark Channel.
Paul Idico, a thirty-something gentleman who enjoys debates and diatribes for their entertainment value, not to gain a new perspective; a man with a superiority complex; a man who DVRs MSNBC, Fox Sunday Morning, and "Pawn Stars."
John Doe, a non-descript person of non-descript age or gender who is curious about every topic but not naive; who challenges him/herself to watch, absorb, and seek the next best program about ____.

Let's listen in to their reactions to the Arthur Miller piece:
ELSA (laughing at the sons' names Biff & Hap): The only thing that would make this better is the mother-in-law...The annoying mother-in-law who can't stand Willy?
CHICK: Shh!  Don't you know someone's going to die?  It's in the title, for goodness sake.  I hope it's not Biff.  He's very handsome..
PAUL: This guy sucks at sales!  He's not online, not schmoozing, and dresses like he owns a consignment store.  If anybody's going down, it's him. 
JOHN (ignoring the chatter around him): This could be my grandfather's story.  How did he die again?  I'll have to ask Mom later.  God, Willy's sons are so ambivalent.  Nice performances.  I'm going to write an online review, more people should know about this production.

Imagine if you will, these four people are merely symbols.  Each of these characters is a part of your audience-personality, populating your brain.  One of them becomes larger and more domineering on any given night, thanks to peer pressure, individual choice, or no alternative forms of entertainment (see "channel surfing").  One of them may become so large through flexing its muscles, that the others cannot speak; the others cannot flex their muscles through lack of exercise; yet one of them will always make an appearance when you least expect it--a pleasant surprise.

Every artist fears and respects the audience.  An artist cannot predict which of the four audience-characters will populate the physical theatre on a given night--will it be a room of Elsies, a room of John Does, or a diverse group that unites in response only at critical moments? 

That's why Nielsens and Gallups and reviews fail to carry weight with the artist community.  They only report what has happened once--the artist makes it happen every day. 

*For your consideration, this concludes the three-part series.  Tune in next time for something completely different.

Direct Connection

SECOND IN A THREE-PART SERIES: Today we are the fly on a wall, hearing what a director (possibly me) says when the doors are closed.

John "Director" Doe: (speaking to a rookie stage manager) When they walk in the door, I just want four things from an actor during an audition: Sincerity, Brevity, Timing, and 'It'.  Bribery would be nice but the precedent has not been set.  I'd take a 'free fries' from McDonald's Monopoly just on principle!

Right!  Anyway, Sincerity.  Feel it and live it so I feel it and live it.  Doesn't matter what period the script is from, and it doesn't matter what training and experience you've had. Show me your spin on the character or script.  Do you 'get it' or do you read it? Example: An exclamation point doesn't dictate raising your voice, it dictates raising the intensity of what's being said.  Plain and simple?  Be the person you want me to see on-stage and off.

Brevity.  So there.  Kidding!  I don't need to know why you're late; I don't need to know--or smell--what you had for lunch; I don't need to know where the picture window is in this scene.
  Please state your name, the show or play your monologues are from, and perform them!  It helps keep us on schedule and keeps me focused on performance not peripherals.  I'll find out a lot at callbacks or any cold readings--do you repeat bad behaviors, play well with others, do you listen and take direction, etc.

Timing: How long do you take to go from Personal Introduction to Performance mode?  How long do you take to 'engage' me? Surprise me?  Do you recognize those moments and use them or forge ahead with rote memorization?  Do you know a one-minute audition usually means one minute??

IT.  You ever read the Stephen King novel?  (She responds) Twilight?!  We'll talk later.
    IT is all the intangibles: do you maintain focus and energy the whole time you're onstage? Are you confident without being arrogant?  Performing material that challenges and suits you?  Even if our role doesn't suit you, by my reckoning, I'll keep you in mind for future opportunities if you've got 'It'.

(to casting assistant, poking her head in the door) Thank you.

(Next actor enters, performs an excerpt from Joseph Heller's "Something Happened," and leaves two minutes later.)

See?  Now that guy is a prime example.  He let the move from Introduction to Performance become a part of the tension.  He sat troubled, avoiding eye contact, then spoke.  He didn't rise until the emotion did.  He took moments to recall and re-see his observations.  Humbled himself at the end.

Sincerity and Timing? Very good.  Down to business with his greeting and title PLUS the cutting was sharp, had a nice arc to it.  Brevity very good.

Now let me ask you--Did he have 'it'??

Inside the Actors Mind

*FIRST in a THREE-PART Series: If you've ever been curious about why actors go into show business or why a specific person is a specific character on a TV show...enter the mind of the wannabe: an actor who auditions.

T-minus-24 HOURS: "Oddly, she is much happier at her job than the rest of us." 
  Nailed it! A minute-ten and remembered every word.  Should I run it again just to be sure?    No, no, you're fine.  Need to fix our resume, though.  Glad I took the production dates off last time. 'I see it's been two years between shows for you'  Yeah, because my auditions were two years apart, thanks for asking!  I didn't need (insert name of large Equity theatre who later proved generous) anyway.

Tomorrow's a new day, a new company, and a familiar monologue!  Familiar to me.  I bet I've still got copies of my old pieces--best short play something-something, Cyranos' riff on his nose, Shakespeare's Much Ado about something-something.  (Looking through file folder) Holy Hanna!  I still have my novel excerpts.  My monologue class instructor told us to go for the unique pieces, don't limit yourself to play-scripts.  That Donald Westlake piece, The Ax, kicked ass!  Not like this one (he pulls 'vineyard' stationery sheet from folder).  My writing: "You cannot be the sun in my life. I already have a son!"  Unique, one of a kind, crap.
    At least I don't have to worry about getting a new headshot.  Same handsome devil you were five, uh, ten--oh hell, you were born handsome!  Of course, if anyone asks me to grow a beard or mustache for a role, I may need to do Rogaine facials.

T-minus-6 HOURS: Dang! Almost forgot to 'MapQuest' my route to the theatre.

T-minus 5 HOURS: Dial-up sucks.  'Sorry, I can't come in today, Mrs. Director, my Internet connection tanked and my map wouldn't print and when it did my dog ate it.  Too depressed now. Anyhoo, can I have the part?'

T-minus 2 hours: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
T-minus 1 hour: (within moving car) "Rubber baby buggy bumpers bouncing by Biscayne Bay, rubber baby..."

T-minus 30 minutes: (at theatre lobby) "Hello, I've got a 3:30 appointment.// Speller.// No, I've never heard that (inane) joke before.  ha ha."
  (Now practicing silently, pacing by Men's bathroom) Her name is Martha.  Our biggest fear is that she will...

T-minus 2 minutes: Should I pee? No, I'm next up.  It's been a while, though...USE IT! Use that energy, that urgency!  Olivier wouldn't pee for days before an opening night...I think.  He's dead, right?

T-minus 30 seconds: "Hello, my name is Mike and I'll be doing..."  Good, no redundant synopsis, no playwright biography--just show, don't tell.

GO Time: "Her name is Martha..."  Don't look at them! Basic stuff, meathead.  Look past them.  Make eye contact with that chair. That chair--or is it the one to the left?  NO, THAT chair, dammit, that chair is your psychiatrist!
  "...like the rest of us, he tries to pretend..."  Did the director just smile?  I think she did.  God, I hope--AVERT YOUR EYES! Jeez, if you look at her, you won't get the job.  Must pee soon.  Don't bounce your leg, they'll know you've gotta go.  This character's not ready to pee, this guy's mad and scared and what has he 'discovered'? // That. Yeahhh.  That felt good.
  "Thank you."

T-plus 1 minute: (in Men's bathroom) "Was my fly down the whole time?! Ohhhh--"

*THANKS to all my college and private instructors, myriad directors, and Michael Shurtleff for the continuous education and enjoyment I get from this work.

CURTAIN

TeeVee Wasteland

“Fifty-seven channels and nothin’s on…”
                                                --Bruce Springsteen, Human Touch album

Aren’t you curious?  Don’t you want to know why the Boss felt that way in 1992 and I feel nothing has changed since?  Why children’s television programs espouse adventure, education, moral values, and silliness while the over-12 audience watches graphic sex, violence, and ‘news’?  I think it’s a natural progression.  Not for the audience. The writers of said programs are busy shedding the 'kids writer' tag faster than formal gowns on prom night.  Those writers flock to FOX News or a series show like “Two and a Half Men” and enjoy realizing their potential (he said in titanic struggle to keep a straight face).  However, I like my TV with equal parts challenge, revelation, and catharsis.

I last made time for a weekly sitcom with the second “Newhart” show (see 1990).  The last challenging cathartic drama? The West Wing.  Granted, I do surf channels and find the occasional pearl among swine (The Wire, Weeds, Breaking Bad) but quality writing and concepts shouldn’t be that rare.

FUN FACT: The longest-running TV show presently on the air?  Sesame Street, at 42 years.  Nothing else comes close.  Because they keep a pulse on trends in parenting and education—going multi-lingual, multi-national, dealing with single parents, bullying…ie, listening to viewers.

ABC, FOX, and the A&E networks websites basically say: “You’ll eat it and you’ll like it!”  They do not accept viewer suggestions and seek only feedback on present programs.

Aren’t you curious why there are dozens of reality shows (mostly about competitive attention-hounds) and none following positive role model groups like Americorps or Boy Scouts or The Red Cross?  Car, Clothing and Beer sponsors didn’t ask for them?  I didn’t ask to see ‘Real Spoiled Housewives of Red Hook’ (and the sponsors that love them), so why is it there? 

Don’t you want to know how The History Channel justifies airing Ice Road Truckers when only 1-in-8 high school seniors pass U.S. history? There is a legion of historical reenactors out there who deserve some exposure for the passion they put in beyond their non-history 9-to-5 jobs.  Ever been to Colonial Williamsburg?  Or Plimouth Plantation?  Professionals with a passion for history at those and other locations--role models again.

“These new history series sponsored by the computer company that furnishes your school’s equipment (or breakfast cereal conglomerate #1).”  And I’m just spitballing here, folks! 

I think television is a lens revealing—or dictating--our appetites.  Back in the day, there were commercials selling cigarettes, kids. Cigarettes!  Self-destructive appetites, welcome to the small screen.  Then, the viewers and medical organizations said STOP…and they did. 

Now in written & “reality” genres, we have 101 ways to murder/fornicate/sue people.  Are we that bloodthirsty?

If you’re worried about society and still a TV fan, you can re-program.  Sweeps month is here.  Use your remote (or smart-phone or Netflix list) to vote for what you--and your children--want to see.  Or pitch the ideas I’ve offered to a production company or your local affiliate. 

Aren’t you curious what TV would look like if you (and the Boss) got 57 channels of the A-material?

LINKShttp://nationsreportcard.gov/ushistory_2010/summary.asp
www.parentstv.org
http://esupport.fcc.gov/complaints.htm
http://abc.go.com/site/faq
http://www.aetn.com/global/feedback/
http://dsc.discovery.com/utilities/about/viewer-relations.html#policy

Introducing...

Greetings!

This is one small step for Mike’s ego, one giant leap for Mike’s tech-phobia.  Whether stepping or leaping, do not presume this blog (ah-ah, ‘post’) is the cure to what ails you; do not suppose the words put forth here are from a guru on a Himalayan mountaintop; and do NOT roll your eyes when I’m talking to you!

I have reached a certain age which allows me a perspective on things: the creative arts, sports, politics, and sacred cows (the figurative, NOT the wandering bloated here’s-a-good-place-for-a-pie literal bovine) shall be subjects of this blog. 

Why do I have a privileged perspective?  I don’t, and that’s the point.  I am not the pundit with a Masters in Political Science.  I am not the Broadway veteran actor with Tonys as bracelet charms. 

I am the guy who was in National Honor Society in high school, but an also-ran as a jock.  I am the guy who has a normal family, not a Kardashian klan.  I am the guy who still uses a handwritten address book.  Low-tech, middle of the road, teacher/actor/storyteller, Diet Coke addict on a mission to change the world one mind at a time!  That's me.

Think of me as the red dot on the white sweater, the bur under saddle--I am Spartacus!!

Just know that the ensuing posts you read will (hopefully) be thoughtful & thought-provoking, not to mention more regular than summer rain in Florida.  Weekly, let's say.

Thank you for your support...